And the Curtains Fall, Again Kinda

I'm typing this entry after helping plan out a spring break retreat with my college friends and having spent an entire (non-alcoholic) kickback day with my high school friends. It's been a pretty social day, and I think it's the perfect time to reflect on some stuff. Namely, the first quarter of college.

First and foremost, HOLY FUCK. UCSB has been such a huge learning experience. I've put so much effort into trying to improve my study habits. At the same time, I've met so many people and developed these new friendships that I'm so proud of. Also, I've drunk and partied. Shit's pretty gas. As a former mega-stereotypical $TEM nerd, I never thought I would've done those things so early into my college career. But here I am, 4 parties and multiple drink seshes in my first quarter. (I am not an alcoholic btw)

Alright, now time to get into the nitty-gritty. 

I'll start with the boring shit. ACADEMICS. So, I'm a computer engineer. This fall quarter, I took:

1. CS8 - into to python

2. Math 4a - linear algebra

3. Chem 1a - general chem

4. Chem 1al - general chem lab

I know it's just 4 classes, but it's a lot of content to absorb and I had a rocky foundation of knowledge my first quarter. I just kept up with my old high school habits of learning concepts in isolation in prep for tests and never re-reviewing past concepts. This worked for the first half of the quarter, but fell apart way later in the 2nd half when you actually had to apply everything you were SUPPOSED to learn. This was the general vibe for all my classes. But things did get better. I remember I had this extensional crisis one time after doing a single CS lab for 2 hours and barely having any progress done and my heart rate went up and my brain was piling up with thoughts and I was feeling really dreadful and stressed out and overthinking that I wasn't cut out for CS and that I’d have to switch my major. That moment gave me flashbacks to math 2 summer school, and that was what flashed me back to reality. I remembered that I had stress ulcers and heavy self-doubt in math 2 because I was stuck in this negative feedback loop of pessimism and dwelled more in my overly-negative thoughts than actually doing any work. I didn't want the same thing to happen, so I had to force myself to take a break and move on to a different class assignment.

The next day, I woke up and had this really optimistic drive to get back at studying, kinda like my enthusiasm to keep on running even after a track workout ate my ass out and left me paralyzed. I decided that I should find the most scientifically-backed way to study, so I looked around on YouTube for that. What I found was this doctor named Justin Sung; he had videos on the cog sci behind learning, and how to learn most efficiently. More on this whole studying journey in another entry, but long story short, that lil traumatic experience made me care way more about studying again. I learned some techniques to study more efficiently and have been working since to utilize my studying time better. 

Still, the academic side of college was enjoyable for me. Like I said before, I’m a stem nerd, and I chose that path because I’m actually fascinated by the numbers and science behind things. I remember watching 3Blue1Brown’s “Essence of Linear Algebra” series and enjoying all the intuition and relations of linear algebra. I also remember grinding 3 hours just to finish CS assignments but still enjoying using lines of code to problem solve prompts. Even though there were some days that sucked, I’ve always found myself gravitating back to my fascination for nerd shit. 

Ok, boring stuff asides, time to talk about the fun stuff. SOCIAL LIFE.

I came into SB wanting to do so much: see if computer engineering was really something worth pursuing, develop my study habits, join an engineering club, do more graphic design, explore SB, and most importantly, not be a nerd all the time. That last thing's pretty important. 60% of high school was spent studying, mainly because I was a nerd who was overly focused on academics. I realized how shitty my work-life balance was like back then when I, a HS senior and yearbook design editor, messaged one of my yearbook co-staffers over winter break if she had finished her yearbook work and she proceeded to type out a paragraph response on how utterly fucking stupid I was. That whole experience really stuck out to me and planted this seed in my head to re-prioritize my priorities. When college was nearing, I really wanted to make sure that I actually went out of my way to make friends. 

So the first week of UCSB came, and I came in feeling really neutral. The high school me would’ve expected a huge momentous moment where I’d be crying with my family. As my 18 years back in Rosemead, my hometown since childhood, came to an end, I would reflect on the past that molded me to the individual I am now: the sketchbooks filled with a child's imagination, untainted by any thoughts of higher education or logic; the family Dell running on Windows XP, idling with tens of Internet Explorer tabs filled with flash games and Lego MOC videos; the SG track, where red rubber and spike imprints merged with every PR and team cheer…. Maybe as I went over these sentimental pieces of nostalgia, a wave of mixed emotions would ride over me, some mix of sadness for the past and excitement for the future.

But nah, that didn’t happen lmao. I just moved in. Car ride there was quiet. I hugged my mom bye. Then it was just me in SB. 

That first day in SB, the most prominent thought I had in my mind was “MAKE FRIENDS. DON’T BE LAME.” And I’m so glad I followed that message through. In my first week, I had meaningful conversations with my roommates, met hella people, partied for the first time, and found my friend group. I don’t think the high school senior Michael would’ve expected all of that. Remembering my work-focused and socially awkward self back then, I was unsure of how well I’d be able to talk to people and actually make legit friends in college. I was way too close to my HS friend group and never committed to going out of my way to make friends with strangers. Literally most of my friends were people who talked to me first. 

But anyway, turns out I actually underestimated myself, and I’m way more social than I thought. With my roommate Joonha, I started this conversation that ended as an in-depth 2-hour discussion over cinematography, color grading, movie directing, and soundtracks. I kept up that momentum by joining some random group of Discord SB people to get pizza with my high school friend and his floormate. Had pretty mid food but had a good time. That was also how I found my friend group, the same friend group I’m close to and have partied with, held kickbacks with, went out on late night IV night runs with, worked out with, watched hella movies with, and just overall, vibed with. I’ll give yall some tales from the Barb some other time, but shit’s so nuts to think that, by this one decision to go out for pizza for strangers, this one person in the Anacapa longue would be the person who’d basically shape my entire first year of college. That’s fucking nuts to wrap my head around. S/o to Kyli. Absolute mad lad of a friend. Also, shoutout to David Tran because none of my college experience would’ve happened if you weren’t there with me on pizza day and dragged Kyli along with us. And you know, reflecting on it, that one pizza day was the most symbolic day of my first quarter. Like, not only did that day show how I’ve developed from high school to college but also mark the date I found my group of people. I purposefully went out of my comfort zone to meet up with complete strangers from completely different backgrounds to have a good time and meet new friends. And then I went out of my way to ask them about their favorite shows and music tastes and feelings about now being in SB and hometowns and classes. And then I went out of my way to open up about myself. And then pizza time ended at 12:46 AM. And then I went back to Kyli’s dorm and talked to her roommates until 2 AM. And then I got invited to go out to party with Kyli’s roommates and David and another Anacapa girl over the weekend. Long story short, that group of 6 people from that party night would slowly grow to 13, and those 13 would be part of the most legendary fucking SB friend group ever. 

Overall, I’m just really fucking happy that things turned out the way they turned out for me. Coming into college, I had the lowest expectations for myself, and those expectations got turned on their head as soon as opening week played out. Getting to be part of this wacky, zany, wild, but also heartfelt, sincere, and close-knit friend group has been one of my highlights of SB and is what keeps me excited to keep coming back to school. 

 There’s HELLA shit that I just glanced over in this entire piece that I’d love to elaborate some other time. I’ll def tell yall some tales from the Barb, but for now, I’m thinking I should end this MLA-format essay here. SB’s been nuts.

Thanks to David Tran, David Nhan, Kyli, Lynn, Mengjia, Shreya, Nelson, Allan, Sai, Likhit, Chandraki, Nandini, and Kyle for being sick as fuck. 

Also, thanks to readers like you!